Phoney Bomb Humor Fools Taliban?

By David Cassel, AlterNet. Posted November 19, 2001.

An abandoned Taliban building in Kabul contained an alarming document that apparently described how to make an atomic bomb. But alarm turned to laughter when a webmaster who'd viewed news footage of the document recognized it as a 1979 parody.

"Since last week's column, 'Let's Make a Time Machine', was received so well in the new step-by-step format, this month's column will follow the same format," one section begins.

The article first appeared in the Journal of Irreproducible Results, which has been publishing scientific humor and trivia since the 1950s, and Taliban fighters would find this particular parody no more helpful than any of the magazine's other mock science. It advised would-be bomb builders to obtain high-grade plutonium "at your local weapons supplier ... or perhaps the Junior Achievement in your neighborhood ... Wash your hands with soap and warm water after handling the material, and don't allow your children or pets to play in it or eat it."

"Any left over Plutonium dust is excellent as an insect repellant. You may wish to keep the substance in a lead box if you can find one in your local junk yard, but an old coffee can will do nicely."

Nevertheless, late last week white-haired BBC reporter John Simpson included footage of the document in a report from the building, along with pictures of left-behind weapons, explosives, hand grenades and even box-cutters. Anthony Lloyd, a reporter from the Times of London also appears to have discovered the document, since he refers to its erroneous instructions about using TNT to create a thermo-nuclear device. "The vernacular quickly spun out of my comprehension but there were phrases through the mass of chemical symbols and physics jargon that anyone could understand," Lloyd wrote. Soon the Times report was being included in articles by the Associated Press.

"I started laughing very hard..." says a 30-something computer professional in Connecticut who goes by the name of CyberGeek. After seeing the BBC's report, he'd searched for the document on the Internet, and identified it as a 1979 parody from the Journal of Irreproducible Results. "It's nice to find that your enemies are slightly incompetent..." he said in an interview Saturday. "I'd love to see bin Laden's face when he hears he's been financing terrorists to surf the net for useless info." CyberGeek forwarded his find to a mailing list of computer enthusiasts, where it was picked up by his friend Jason Scott and documented Friday on the popular Web site Rotten.com. Reached Saturday, Scott pointed out another irony of the phoney essay on making bombs.

"[It] seemed to show a number of lines and notes around it -- meaning they were studying it!"

Reached for comment, the editor of the 1979 piece says he's always surprised when one of their articles is taken seriously. "This has happened before and given us a good laugh," remembers Harry J. Lipkin. "I wonder whether the Taliban really took the article seriously?" Marc Abrahams, a later editor at the magazine, sees another lesson. "Absolutely anything, if it's just worded in a mildly plausible way -- so many people are intimidated by anything technical that they just won't read it carefully!"

In a strange twist, the Times report was addressed in a Thursday press conference by Governor Tom Ridge, director of the Office of Homeland Security. Ridge referred to the discovery of "materials relative to a nuclear threat" and said they were "certainly consistent with [bin Laden] statements that he would like to acquire that capacity."

"It is not to say, it does not confirm that he has the capacity," Ridge told the reporters. "It just says that whether it's bin Laden or some other potential foe of this country, we have to be prepared for all eventualities, including a nuclear threat." But CyberGeek thinks U.S. security officials may know more than they're letting on.

"Last week, I saw Donald Rumsfeld being asked about possible nuclear terrorism, and he seemed to be just a bit too smiley. I bet he and the guys at the Pentagon are having a good laugh."

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