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Sex and Relationships
Is Sex Addiction B.S.?
Posted by Dr. Belisa Vranich, Huffington Post on September 5, 2008 at 9:19 PM.
All week long I've had emails with a variation of the following:
"Am I a slut or do I have a sex addiction?"
Rather that give you just my opinion, I gathered some friends and colleagues -- experts in the field of sex in one way or another -- to get their takes to see if we could come to some consensus.
I certainly do not view sex addiction as a "disease" that requires 12 steps to cure. Apparently, I fit all the criteria for having a bona fide sex addiction to a T, except for one crucial element: shame. It is this one little horrific emotion that drives millions of so-called sex addicts to spend exponential amounts of money in therapy every year, and just as many to seek support in groups and addiction programs. This shame stems from the fact that many so-called sexual deviants are slapped with the label "sex addict" when there is, in fact, absolutely nothing wrong with liking porn, or anal sex, or spending an evening with a call girl. I don't even think there is anything wrong with using sex to deal with your emotions -- after all, there is some truth to the saying, "let's work it out in bed." Maybe what we need are groups to heal our shame around sex, rather than programs that only serve to reinforce our neuroses.
-- Annie Sprinkle, Ph.D. prostitute/porn star turned sexologist & educator
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Obama Wants the Gay Vote ... Sorta
Posted by Deeky , Shakesville on August 29, 2008 at 6:25 AM.
Obama wants the LGBT vote, insists campaign manager Steve Hildebrand. Just not enough to ask for it. Not directly anyway.
Speaking at the Dem Convention's LGBT caucus yesterday Hildebrand said had this to say:
I believe that our campaign has not done the effective job it needs to do to persuade and convince LGBT voters that Barack Obama is someone who will lead for them, who will fight for them, fight for us. That’s a failure on behalf of our campaign in my opinion, and I've played a role in it. What we need is for all of you to be our voices in our communities and to work tirelessly to give every single day, as much time as you can give, to know Barack’s record and to know John McCain's failed record and to go out and talk to people who care about the future of LGBT people in this country.Here's the thing. I know Obama's record. And, as I've pointed out recently, that record includes McClurkin and Meeks. But really, aside from that, what is the campaign saying?
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Call Girls at the Political Conventions
Posted by Catherine, The Frisky on August 26, 2008 at 12:54 PM.
Cities benefit big time when they host major events like the Olympics. The upcoming Republican and the ongoing Democratic National Conventions are two such happenings that will bring in money to the restaurant and hotel businesses. But another business is looking forward to raking in some big bucks as well.
A rather disturbing ABC News article says that prostitution in Denver and Minneapolis will spike during the political conventions in the coming weeks. Apparently, there are ads on the Minneapolis-area Craigslist looking for "hostesses" to help entertain "high-end clients" during the Republican National Convention, which starts September 1. And, over on the Denver section of Craigslist, women are using the convention to push their services under titles like "DNC Delight" and "Help me celebrate democracy."
Has no one learned their lesson from former N.Y. Governor Eliot Spitzer? Seriously. [ABC News]
NBC Censors Sexual Orientation Of Openly Gay Gold Medalist Diver
Posted by Amanda Terkel, Think Progress on August 24, 2008 at 12:43 PM.
According to OutSports.com, of the 10,708 athletes at the Olympics this year, just 10 have identified themselves publicly as being gay. Of the 10, Australian diver Matthew Mitcham is the only male gay athlete.
Yesterday, Mitcham won the gold in the in the 10m platform diving event, scoring an upset over the Chinese team, which was heavily favored to win. But as Maggie Hendricks at Yahoo’s Olympics blog notes, NBC never mentioned Mitcham’s orientation:
NBC did not mention Mitcham’s orientation, nor did they show his family and partner who were in the stands. NBC has made athletes’ significant others a part of the coverage in the past, choosing to spotlight track athlete Sanya Richards’ fiancee, a love triangle between French and Italian swimmers and Kerri Walsh’s wedding ring debacle.
In his press interview after the event, however, Mitcham stood with both his mother and his partner, Lachlan, thanking them for the support they’ve provided. Watch it:
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Hallmark Gets Down with Same-Sex Marriage
Posted by Isaac Fitzgerald, AlterNet on August 21, 2008 at 5:05 PM.
That's right, most same-sex couples can't get hitched in their home state, but at least now their families can buy them a card from Hallmark when they head to San Francisco or Massachusetts to tie the knot. Amanda at Think Progress has the story:
Although most states still refuse to recognize gay marriage, Hallmark has begun rolling out cards recognizing the unions between same-sex couples. They feature "two tuxedos, overlapping hearts or intertwined flowers, with best wishes inside. 'Two hearts. One promise,' one says." Barbara Miller, a spokeswoman for the Greeting Card Association, said that the number of companies providing same-sex cards is expanding: "The fact that you have someone like Hallmark going into that niche shows it's growing and signals a trend."
Kudos to Hallmark for doing the right thing the only way they know how: with lots of little hearts and earnest sappiness.
The Sex Industry: A Call for Harm Reduction
Posted by Ren, Feministe on August 20, 2008 at 8:32 AM.
Okay, so, since I set up my overview yesterday, I guess it’s time to get to the nitty. So, I’m going to start with harm reduction, which, yes, I advocate. Here is where I am coming from with the term, because it is not a solid thing that everyone sees the same way. So, here we go, this is my manifesto, I suppose you could say:
When taking on a harm reduction stance, one:
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Northern Exposure: National Sex Day in Canada
Posted by Malcolm Harris, National Family Planning & Reproductive Health Association on August 19, 2008 at 8:31 AM.
In the midst of Russia invading countries that sound made-up and the Bush administration extending eminent domain to women's uteruses, it's nice to be reminded there can still be headlines like "Not hot for 'Sex Day'" in the Edmonton Sun.
The puff piece is about student Jonathan Yaniv who started the Facebook event "National Sex Day 2008." The event is basically what it sounds like, picking a day and devoting it to sex. According to the article, Yaniv will be providing free condoms.
The conflict in the article is between the National Sex Day 2008 and those who believe every day should be Sex Day and that organizing should be left for political purposes. The headline is a little misleading. The so-called opponents seem to want to have sex instead of getting a holiday devoted to it.
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Edwards Scandal Raises Monogamy vs. Polygamy Debate
Posted by Octogalore, Feministe on August 13, 2008 at 6:02 AM.
In Lauren's post on John Edwards, anonymous says:
It is clear to me that the people posting about how monogamy is unnatural and how people can be happily polyamorous have never been on the receiving end of the news that their spouse has had an affair or seen the absolute devastation it can wreak on a family. If an open marriage works for you, kudos to you, I think that's awesome. It doesn't work for everyone though and I find it rather insensitive to gloss over how absolutely heartbreaking it is to find out that your spouse has cheated on you, with no thought for your feelings or health. It is a much, much different ball of wax then a mutually agreed upon open marriage and it should never, ever be compared to one. Whether you think it's a natural relationship or not doesn't impact the result on the betrayed spouse.
I think anonymous has nailed it.
I'd even take it further and take a stab that the people posting about how monogamy is unnatural are not likely to be (yet) on the receiving end of the fact that there are some restraints on how egalitarian hetero polygamy can be in a society that hasn't yet achieved full feminist status.
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The PTC Thinks TV Will Turn Your Kids Into Sex Freaks
Posted by Tana Ganeva, AlterNet on August 8, 2008 at 4:57 PM.
Bad news for all those parents out there who were kinda counting on TV to raise their kids for them: Parents Television Council -- the conservative watchdog group most notable for inundating the FCC with complaints about curse words and boobs -- has just released a study that finds prime-time television "actively" denigrates marriage while glorifying sex outside of it. Even worse, according to the report, is the television depiction of "outre sexual expression" such as " ... masturbation, pornography, sex toys, and kinky and fetishistic behaviors."
The snappily titled "Happily Never After: How Hollywood Favors Adultery and Promiscuity Over Marital Intimacy on Prime Time Broadcast Television" contains such alarming news as:
Based on these and similar findings the report concludes that today's prime time television:
... seems to be actively seeking to undermine marriage by painting it in a negative light ... sex in the context of marriage is either non-existent on prime-time television, or is depicted as burdensome rather than as an expression of love and commitment. By contrast, extra-marital or adulterous sexual relationships are depicted with greater frequency and overwhelmingly, as a positive experience.
Furthermore:
Behaviors that were once seen as fringe, immoral or socially destructive have been given the imprimatuer of acceptability by the television industry -- and children are absorbing those messages and judging from a recent survey, imitating that behavior.
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Media Salivate Over Edwards' Affair; Shrug Shoulders Over McCain's Alleged Infidelity
Posted by Digby, Hullabaloo on August 8, 2008 at 4:02 PM.
I realize that everybody gets excited about sex scandals. It's human nature. But it's important to keep in mind that John Edwards didn't even come close to winning the nomination and this is just another sleazy tabloid story with absolutely no serious significance other than the sickening spectacle of the prurient slavering of the mainstream media now that they have finally found their hook: it's because he lied to the press about his sex life. How could he???
(Lying to the press about the anthrax killers and WMD in Iraq, well, not a problem.)
Let's assume that the rules now say that denying an affair to the press is a cardinal offense that merits endless bloviating about dishonesty from a bunch of hypocritical celebrities who protect their "sources" when they lie about torture and war. Fine. But this guy actually may very well be president and they took his word for it:
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G-String Rules: Republican Family Values in a Strip Club
Posted by Phoenix Woman, Firedoglake on July 31, 2008 at 1:56 PM.
Oh, the irony: Even as Norm "unconventional marriage (to say the least)" Coleman, repositioning himself as a Family Values Candidate, runs ads attacking Al Franken over his ties to Playboy, it seems that at least two of Norm’s fellow Minnesota Republican officeholders, paleocon Professional Christian Michele Bachmann and run-of-the-mill knuckledragger Erik Paulsen, were among the beneficiaries of Texas Republican Pete Sessions’ Forty Deuce strip-club fundraiser for the PAC that gave them money.
(Seems that Sessions is in tight with casino and strip-club operators.)
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Feminist Porn: Sex, Consent, and Getting Off
Posted by KaeLyn, Feministe on July 23, 2008 at 11:14 AM.
Warning: May not be safe for work ... unless you are like me and work at Planned Parenthood. :) The links at the end of the article are definitely not work-safe and may contain adult content to be viewed only by people over the age of 18.
Feminism has a love/hate relationship with sex. The "Feminist Sex Wars" rage on and not just between second and third-wavers. I once spent an evening at a hole-in-the-wall strip club with a 20-something friend fiercely debating her anti-pornography/anti-prostitution position. We spent half an hour of that night talking with a dancer, a young single mom and the only woman-of-color on the floor. She said it was better than working at a grocery store; she made more money and didn't have to pay for day care. How could I blame her? It was niave and classist for us to engage her in this conversation, but I was in college and didn't know how stupid I was being. This also happened to be the night I bought my first vibrator, with that same friend, at a sleazy adult store in Syracuse, NY. Long story short is that I became passionate about the rights of sex workers and people that work in the sex/adult industry and began a more intelligent and articulate study of why I felt so compelled to defend pornography, prostitution, women's sexual pleasure, and my own sexual desires.
In the 60's and 70's, Andrea Dworkin led a brilliant fight to expose and illuminate rape culture and end violence against women. Her analysis of the gender binary, pornography, and theories of penetrative sex as a patriarchal act is at the titillating center of a lively and necessary conversation in the feminist community. I also believe the work of Dworkin and her peers has contributed to the division of lesbian and heterosexual feminists, persecution and demoralization of sex work and sex workers, exclusion of transfolk from feminist spaces, and a whole lot of personal feminist guilt. But I gotta' give kudos to Dworkin for putting rape culture on the map and, there are many awesome, inspiring, fabulous feminist leaders I admire who also happen to be card-carrying members of the anti-prostitution camp including Gloria Steinem and Robin Morgan.
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Does Time Magazine Believe Women's Bodies Should be Owned by Men?
Posted by Amanda Marcotte, Pandagon on July 22, 2008 at 10:27 AM.
I'm quite possibly the last person who cares in the blogosphere to write about this appalling Time magazine celebration of purity balls, but I have to say that I'm not as surprised as I should be. Time has decided to embrace a retrograde patriarchal agenda, and not of the soft patriarchal sense of assuming that women just name themselves after their husbands and hand-wringing articles about the horror of women who draw their own income, as bad as those things are. No, we're talking the patriarchy of the anti-choice movement, the adulteress-stoning kind. The kind that treats the literal male ownership of women's bodies as a cute, sentimental way to organize society. That's far to the right of even mainstream sexist society. That's to the right of guys who like to go to Hooters, and assholes who argue that women get paid less because they don't work hard enough, what with the babies and all. This is the third example in very recent memory of Time shilling for the idea that women should be treated like male property and severely punished if they stray from patriarchal sexual norms, which is enough to start getting past "sloppy journalism" into the "open agenda" territory.
Egregious bullshit quotes that indicate not just sloppiness, but agenda:
The Abstinence Clearinghouse estimates there were more than 4,000 purity events across the country last year, with programs aimed at boys now growing even faster.
What they fail to tell you is that in the fundie world, boys don't have "purity", which is a word that describes an object that becomes ill-suited for use because of contamination. Water and food are pure, and Ivory soap is pure. Similarly, women are "pure" or "sullied", i.e. not humans but fuckholes whose usability is determined by whether or not someone has already used the property. For boys, they honor their agency by having integrity balls, where boys are chastened not to fuck someone else's fuckhole in the same way you don't wipe your ass with a hand towel and put it back.
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Heavy Petting: PETA Compares Teen Girls to Unneutered Animals
Posted by Tana Ganeva, AlterNet on July 18, 2008 at 3:31 PM.
PETA has always caught flak for its publicity campaigns, which often seem to elevate the wellbeing of animals above the wellbeing of women. In the eighties the organization got tons of media attention by flinging blood at women in fur coats; they also earned criticisms from feminist groups for not dishing out the same treatment to men wearing leather. More recently PETA has earned the ire of feminists for using pornographic images of women to push their agenda as well as for their recurrent and ever-tasteful campaigns comparing women to livestock.
The animal rights group is certain to grab headlines with their new ad, which calls attention to the importance of neutering pets by parodying the parental sex talk. The ad opens with a surly teen girl sighing loudly as her parents plant themselves on her bed wearing "We need to talk about sex" expressions.
Mom: Honey, we need to talk ...
Dad: ... about sex. We think you should be having it sweetie.
Mom: A lot of it.
Dad: Get out there and nail everything you can!
[ ... ]
Teen girl: What if I get pregnant?"
Dad: So what? You should pop out all the kids you want! We can leave them in the shelter, dump them out in the street ... it's really not important.
The ad closes with, "Parents shouldn't act this way. Neither should people with dogs and cats."
The ad is really well-made and funny; it also does a great job skewering our weird, schizophrenic discomfort with teen sexuality. Another plus is that at no point is the girl entrapped, naked, in a cage, a la previous PETA efforts to shed light on animal cruelty. All in all it is not as offensive as it could be: way to go PETA, for putting out an ad that doesn't involve the symbolic slaughter of women.
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McCain Does Not Believe Gay People Can Be Parents
Posted by Keli Goff, Huffington Post on July 16, 2008 at 3:00 AM.
It's no secret that last week was not a good one for John McCain. His old friend, Phil Gramm, demonstrated such a sad case of foot in mouth disease with his "mental recession" line that it was almost as though Gramm was acting as an Obama campaign covert operative. Then McCain had a little trouble performing, shall we say, when asked by a reporter to clarify his position on insurance coverage of Viagra but not of contraception. But those may not be the only media moments from last week that come back to haunt McCain on the general election campaign trail.
In an interview with the New York Times, McCain sought to affirm his conservative credentials. This included stating definitively that he opposes adoption rights for gay and lesbian couples. On Sunday, celebrity gossip blogger Perez Hilton (real name Mario Lavandeira) selected McCain's statement on the matter as his "Quote of the Day." The quote simply reads, "I think that we've proven that both parents are important in the success of a family so, no, I don't believe in gay adoption." At last count Hilton's post garnered around 700 comments, some of which are blatantly homophobic, (which is ironic considering Lavandeira himself is openly gay, which begs the question: if you disapprove of gay people so much why are you visiting a blog run by one?). But for the most part, the comments -- many of which are too colorful to print here -- highlight a fundamental problem for John McCain as he tries to formulate a winning strategy for November: How to win an election decided by voters in the middle, while continuing to pander to voters on the right.
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